Those Special Moments

Motherhood is so different than I thought it would be.  I honestly thought that mothers with only one child were just being wimpy when they said they were tired and drained all the time, especially if they got to stay home all day!  I was terrible at judging mothers and looking down on them.  I see the error of my ways now!  I am that mother who stays at home all day and doesn't get anything done besides feeding both of us and maybe getting a few dishes done (although I am trying to be better!).  I am tired all the time.  Even though Asher still takes 2 naps, I still feel like I don't get enough time to myself.  I go crazy if I'm home for too long and the only conversation I have is a running commentary that Asher gets to enjoy.  I will be the first to admit I was wrong about motherhood!  Even though I still feel all those things, I love it (most of the time....)

It's really hard being in charge of Asher sometimes.  When I haven't slept well and he's really grumpy, I just want a break and a chance to go on a vacation for a week.  But it's also at those times when I feel most like giving up that one of those special parent-child moments happen.  Last night I had one of the best moments!

I was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep.  I had been feeling kind of depressed all day and really just wanted a good night's sleep, but it wasn't happening.  I had been laying in bed for about 2 hours when I heard Asher start screaming.  I could tell something was wrong, so I went in there and sure enough, he had his legs stuck between the slats in his crib.  He does that all the time!  And he gets it stuck almost up to his hip so I really have to push and wiggle to get it out.  When I finally did get his leg out, he needed some cuddling to calm him down (which I was more than happy to give!).  This boy loves to cuddle!  If I'm sitting on the floor, most of the time he'll come over and either stand leaning against me or climb up on my lap.  He loves people. 

So I was holding him and rocking him a little with his head on my shoulder and he gets the hiccups.  Not great news because I know he's going to be up for awhile because of it.  I could tell he was so tired and really wanted to fall back asleep, so I sat in a chair in his room and he put his arms around me and leaned his head on my chest.  I started massaging his head (he loves that) and his hiccups went away!  But the most amazing part was he fell asleep while I was holding him.  He never does that anymore.  It was so sweet and he was so perfect that I remembered one of the reasons I really did want to be a mother.  I wanted to be that person that my children came to for help.  That they wanted to tell about their day to.  That they wanted to cuddle up to when they couldn't sleep.  I miss Asher being a little baby and being so adorable, but I also love that he knows who I am now!  That he wants me to comfort him instead of whoever happens to pick him up!  Sitting in the dark, holding my little boy, I was so happy that I could've lived in that moment forever.  When I got up and put him back in his crib, he just looked up at me while I put his blanket on him and looked so peaceful.  It was one of the greatest moments in parenting for me.  I know every day isn't going to have those moments, but I sure do love it when they do.