Lots of Time to Think

David's been gone for almost 2 weeks, so I've had a lot of extra time on my hands.  Yesterday I was watching TLC's Say Yes to the Dress.  I like watching that show because I love seeing all the beautiful gowns they have!  I love getting all dressed up and what better time to play dress up than wedding dress shopping?  While I was watching it, I started to get a little sad.  I couldn't figure out why until it finally hit me.  All these brides had people they brought with them, people they wanted to help them and get their opinions.  I'll tell you why this upset me.  And just know, I was very tired, David's been gone for awhile so I was getting lonely, and I try not to analyze things too much but with all that time, I couldn't help it.  I was an emotional wreck.  But I couldn't stop thinking about it today so I thought if I got it out in my "journal", I could get over it.

I tried explaining this to David, but I don't think he fully understood.  I don't know if even I understood, but I'll try to explain the best I can.  I like the idea of helping people with their weddings or any special event like that.  That someone would come to me for help and that I can do something to help them.  I don't get many of those opportunities because I don't really have any close girlfriends.  I have friends, but they aren't close.  That normally doesn't bother me, but when my best friend is in California (David), then I feel more alone.  I would love to help out with a friend's wedding, but I don't really put myself in situations where that would happen.  I'm a pretty private person.  I do have 2 sisters, but when Lisa got married, I was a senior in high school so I can understand why she would rather have Joni (2 years older than me) be her maid of honor.  And Lisa pretty much planned everything on her own.  She didn't really ask for much help because she was so organized that she got it all done herself.  When Joni got married, I was trying to plan my own wedding and get through school (and get through a lot of other stuff too) that I didn't have a chance to help her.  Who wants a maid of honor who is planning her own wedding and not helping plan yours?  So there wasn't really a chance for me to help with that either. 

I don't know why all of a sudden weddings are so important to me.  Maybe because mine didn't turn out exactly how every girl dreams it's going to.  No one really understands how hard our engagement was, but trust me, we almost didn't make it.  Almost every thing that you could imagine going wrong, did.  Satan was really trying to tear us apart.  It seemed like the harder we tried to work things out, the more things would go wrong.  I think I hit some of my lowest points during our engagement.  My mom and sister said they were surprised that we made it through.  Honestly, so am I.  I don't know how we did it, but I'm glad we did!  David and I are two peas in a pod.  We know what it's like to hit rock bottom, but we also know what it's like to be on top of the world.  One good thing that came out of it was that now we don't really worry about the small stuff.  We know that if we do our best, things will work out.  We have a LOT of fun!  I don't think I've laughed as much as I have when I'm with David.  He's a super goof ball, but I love it. 

I just feel like I've learned so much, and I want someone to share it with.  Someone who is having a hard time and comes to me for help because I've already been through it.  That all that pain and suffering wasn't for nothing.  That some good can come out of it.  I want to be happy for someone else and see that smile on their face when something goes right.  I just hope that if I ever have a daughter, that some of the things I learn will still be applicable when she's getting ready for her own wedding.  I just have to keep telling myself that it wasn't for nothing.  That hitting that rock bottom was so that, later in life, I could be there for someone else.  I know I'm rambling, but I just had to get it out.  I already feel better!  Don't worry, the next post won't be so depressing.  I have funny stories that I think you'll like!