My Name is Asher Lev

About 10 years ago I read a book called "My Name is Asher Lev" by Chaim Potok.  This book is where I got the name for my little boy (although some people think I got his name from one of the tribes of Israel).  If you've ever read it, you might think it's a weird book for me to get a name from.  The story is very sad, but I love the way it's written.  It's about a Jewish boy who becomes a great artist.  His father works for the Rebbe (Rabbi) and wants his son, Asher, to do away with the foolishness of trying to become an artist and instead work for the Rebbe just as he does.  Asher becomes a great artist and it causes quite a rift in their family.  I think the reason I like it so much is because of how much passion Asher shows for his art.  I love all the fine arts and I think that, outside of the artist community, art is greatly overlooked and needs to be fought for more.  While I was reading this book, I found so many great gospel insights.

I had a religion teacher that liked to point out the similarities between the LDS faith and the Jewish faith.  I love hearing about the Jewish people because it helps me understand our way of life even more.  Here are some of the insights I gained from this book:

-"Any man who has caused a single Jewish soul to perish, the Torah considers it as if he had caused a whole world to perish; and any man who has saved a Jewish soul, it is as if he had saved a whole world."  I loved this because it helps me to understand why God considers murder such a horrible offense.  There are many reasons, I know, but this one I really appreciate.  You are taking away the chance for that person to give spirits a mortal body.  These spirits may come through someone else, but you are taking away that chance.  You aren't just affecting one person, you're affection many generations.

-"May Michael be at my right hand; Gabriel at my left; before me, Uriel; behind me Raphael; and above my head the divine presence of God."  This is a prayer that is to be said each night before bed.  Sometimes I think we forget that we can ask for help, and that we should always ask that the presence of God be with us.  If we know we are protected by angels and God, we wouldn't have any fear.  It's comforting to me to think that we are protected on all sides against the evils of the world, if only we seek and are worthy of the presence of our Heavenly Father.

-"A tremulous crescendo of sound began to fill the synagogue.  Men swayed fervently back and forth.  Arms gesticulated toward the veiling and walls."  My religion teacher told us that when Jewish men pray, they but their entire bodies into it.  They sway and rock in order to focus all of their energy and thoughts on their prayer.  They commit themselves completely to communing with God.  Sometimes I think it's much to easy to get distracted during prayers.  Your mind wanders and you lose your concentration.  I like the idea of what these Jewish men do, it helps me realize that I could put so much more into my prayers.

-"Someone once asked how it is possible to establish a connection between man and the Master of the Universe.  The answer was that man must take the first step.  In order for there to be a connection between man and the Master of the Universe, there must fist be an opening, a passageway, even a passageway as small as the eye of a needle.  But man must make the opening by himself; man must take the beginning step.  Then the Master of the Universe will move in, as it were, and widen the passageway."  I love this analogy.  It tells me that as long as we create a crack, a hole, some kind of break in our minds to allow Heavenly Father to communicate with us, He will take that opening and expand it as far as we will let Him.  He wants to be with us and wants to share everything that He has with us.  All we have to do is take that first step towards Him.

I'll end with this last one.  I'll probably do another post with more from this book.  But here is one that I thought was sweet:
"Is it dead, Papa?" (a bird they saw near their house)
"Yes," I heard him say in a sad distant way.
"Why did it die?"
"Everything that lives must die."
....
"Why?" I asked.
"That's the way the Ribbono Shel Olom made the world, Asher."
"Why?"
"So life would be precious, Asher.  Something that is yours forever is never precious."
I don't agree that if something is yours forever it isn't precious, but I do think we appreciate things more if we know we won't have them for long.  The reason I loved that quote so much is because it reminds me that life is precious.  David and I have been having a little bit of a rough time with school and work and basically the day to day struggles of life, and it's too easy to get caught up in it.  When I start getting overwhelmed and want to sit down and cry, it's usually then that I really look at Asher and realize that no matter how hard things are, I have this precious little boy that I love with all my heart.  And he doesn't care that we don't have money.  He doesn't care that we can't buy him all sorts of fun toys and fancy clothes.  He just wants us to play with him and care for him.  And I can do that.  It changes my whole perspective and makes me so happy that I have him.

Little Insights

You may or may not know that I am a little bit of a bookworm.  I love to read!  I love science fiction, fantasy, young adult, self help books, mystery, classics, and so much more!  Recently, I've noticed that books that I read often help me understand the gospel better.  I don't know if books always have that in them, or it's just been the books I've been reading recently, but I've found things that give me that "a-ha" moment.  They may not seem like such great insights to you, but I liked them.  Here are a few from the book I just finished, "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown.

Dan Brown does bring in a lot of religion in his books, so it's no wonder that he happens to mention Christianity in this one.  One passage is talking about the entanglement theory, the theory that says particles behave in such a way that they appear to be connected to each other.  That idea of being connected with other beings in the universe is at the core of many religions.  A quote from the book says "man's oldest spiritual quest was to perceive his own entanglement, to sense his own interconnection with all things.  He has always wanted to become 'one' with the universe...to achieve the state of 'at-one-ment.'"  I've never thought about the Atonement like that.  The Atonement is a chance for us to become one with God, to want the peace and love that He wants for all His children.  It helps me realize what we are doing here one earth.

Another quote from the book breaks down the word sacrifice.  It's origin is from the words "sacra" which means sacred and "face" with mean make.  To make something sacred.  I didn't find that those words were the origin of the word sacrifice in my short search, but it does make you look at sacrifice differently.  We talk about sacrifice when we say we sacrifice our time or our money or countless other things.  To me, thinking that I am making myself more sacred and closer to God is a much better way to think of sacrifice than to think that I'm merely giving up what I want.  It helps me to have a better attitude about what I am doing.

The last insight I have to share is about something that scares many people: the apocalypse.  We all think of it as some great battle where the world will be torn apart and we'll have to make our final choice between good and evil.  But the meaning of the word "apocalypse" is very different.  It's Greek for a disclosure of knowledge or a lifting of the veil or a revelation.  A quote from the book says "The Apocalypse is literally a reveal-ation.  The Book of Reveal-ation in the Bible predicts an unveiling of great truth and unimaginable wisdom."  To think that I have thought about that completely wrong all these years!  There will be a lot of destruction, I'm sure, but that isn't what we should focus on.  I think of it like a house.  If you have a house that is broken down, the best thing to do is to tear it apart, spread a little destruction, and then you can build something infinitely better in it's place.  That's what Christ will do.  He will give us many great truths that will change everything.  It comforts me to think of it like that instead of a horrible battle.

Those are the main insights I gained from that book.  These are some personal insights that I gained that may be a little off or not strike a chord with you, but they helped me understand some things in the gospel just a little bit better.  I have another book I'd like to share some other insights from, but that will have to be for next time!  Hopefully this helped you, even if it just got you thinking about the gospel a little bit more. :)

Videos of my funny guy

Asher has been such a goof this last week.  He has been pretty fussy because he has a tooth that is threatening to come down, but he's also busy exploring his new body!  He found his ears and pulls on them constantly.  He is also figuring out the ranges of his voice.  Here are some videos of what we've got to listen to the last 3 days (and these videos are two different days...)





I've also been trying to get him to use the jumper that my mom let us borrow.  He's not really good at it.  He will stand there and likes to look around, and he likes it if you pick the top up and swing him!  Today he decided he just wanted to walk drunkenly around in a circle.  By the time I took this video, he had wound the cord around so much that it was getting hard for him to keep walking in the direction!  He thought it was fun when I picked his legs up and unwound him.



He also has figured out how to get his legs under him when he's on his tummy.  He's pretty proficient at rolling over, now he's working on crawling!  Hopefully in the next couple of months he'll get that down!  I'll leave you with a few pictures!

This was when he was laying on his back, and rolled over while holding on to the blanket.  He got mad about 2 seconds after I took this picture because his hands were stuck!

 

Noises

Today I was driving around with Asher in the back in his carseat.  I started hearing a weird noise and it took me awhile to figure out what it was.  I finally figured it out.  Asher is figuring out he can make mouth noises!  It's pretty funny!  He is a delicate child.

What a Year!

It has been quite a crazy year.  I'd say by far the biggest change has been the addition of Asher into our family.  He's such a fun, crazy little guy!  He'll be 5 months old in about a week so I thought I'd give an update of all the fun (and not so fun) things he does!

-He is learning to use his voice a lot more.  He'll try to babble a lot especially if you're talking to him (or he hears the TV or you're talking to someone else)
-He LOVES it when people talk to him!  He'll usually smile and giggle and be adorable when you do.
-He can now roll from stomach to back, and more recently from back to stomach!  I don't think it will be long before he's crawling and moving around all on his own. 
-He's a kicker.  If you put him on the ground he'll kick his legs almost the whole time.  And he also rubs his feet together so any socks I try to put on him come off in about 20 minutes.
-He's getting very ticklish!  Especially on his feet/stomach/legs.  Changing him is a lot more fun because it usually turns into tickle time.
-He still doesn't sleep incredibly well at night, but things are getting better.  We're now up to about 6 hours at night!  Someday we might even make it to 12 just like his cousin!
-He now has to wear 12 month pajamas.  And 9 month onesies.  He's built like his mom and grandpa, long body but short legs!
-He loves eating oatmeal.  And bananas.  And everything else you give to him!  He eats a lot.  But he has to to keep up with that growing body!  At his last appointment, he was 94th percentile for height.  And I think the next appointment will be about the same!  Asher is the same size as his cousin who is 6 months older than him.
-Asher is a thumb sucker, which isn't surprising because it's in his genes.  Both mom and grandma were pretty good at that too!  It's going to be awful to try to break him of that habit when he's older, but it's so cute now!

Things are so fun with him, and he is growing up so fast!  I remember when he was 2 months old (and very colic-y) that someone told me that I should treasure this time because he will grow up so fast.  I thought then, and I still think now, that at that point she was crazy (I didn't enjoy the 8 hours of crying every day).  But I see what she meant now!  He really is growing up so fast and it's so fun to watch him explore his world!

As for David and I, we are just going along.  David will begin school again next week and I'll still be working.  Not too much changes for us.  Here are some pictures of the last little while!  I'm sure I'll add more later!

We needed something to dress him in for our freezing cold winters!  My sister calls him the "Blue Nightmare" (from A Christmas Story!  Although that was pink.)

I thought he looked so cute in his church clothes!

 

I don't know.  It was David's doing.

 

I made this hat a couple of years ago.  I was so happy when it actually fit him!

He was more interested in the shiny ornaments than Santa.

I love our family!

As a last note, I would like to put a link to my sister's adoption profile.  Her and her husband would love to add a new little baby to their family!  Please share this with anyone and everyone! 

https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/28312466/ourMessage.jsf

A Few Pictures!

So I haven't posted in awhile, so here are a few pictures to make up for it!  Asher is such a ball of fun.  He's pretty big for his age, he doesn't even fit in his 3-6 month pajamas, so I have put him in the 9 month ones.  I had some girl comment on Sunday that he doesn't look like a baby, he just looks like a mini person!  He has the cutest smile and such an adorable laugh.  I got a little video of it where you can get a glimpse of his laugh.  It's such a turnaround from 2 months ago!  Well, here you go!

My sister wanted to see what Asher would look like with a Mohawk.  So I showed her that it doesn't really work with him.  He has a cowlick right in front that makes a real Mohawk not work because of that little strand sticking out weird. 
But....I think this picture of him is really funny!

He loves bath time!  It may not show in this picture, but he gets really excited when I start filling up the tub!  And he loves to splash around!

This video is after he was kind of winding down.  He was laughing so hard before this!  He gets a little camera shy sometimes...

Blessing Day! And a few other pictures...

This past Sunday we blessed Asher.  It was pretty much the only weekend David's family could come out and we had stake conference, so we just did the blessing in the Relief Society room afterwards.  If any of you have any pictures from that day, I would love to get a copy of the files!

The Clay's!

The traditional 4 generation picture.

David showing where Asher got his blank stare from...

The Mitchell's!

Thank you so much for coming everyone!  It was such a special day!

A couple of weeks ago I went with my sister to take pictures of our kids up at the college gardens.  Asher wasn't in the best of moods, but I think we got a couple of good ones!

Joni said it kind of looks like he's sleeping...if you don't look at his red face and tears....

Ledger really likes to pet Asher!

 

Sure do love my chunky monkey!

 

My big little boy!

When I was pregnant, people kept telling me that time would just fly by once the baby was born....but I have to say, that first month felt like it lasted a year.  I guess it's different with babies that don't cry the majority of the time that they're awake.  But now that he's getting older and the colic is going away (slowly but surely!), things have gotten a lot more fun!  Asher smiles all the time now and even laughs sometimes! (although he always hides it from me and only lets Dad hear...grrrr....)  I've heard people say that they can't imagine life without their new little one, and I may sound cynical, but I can.  I lived 24 years without him so I know what it's like.  BUT, I love having him in my life so much better!  He's my little buddy and I love him so much! 

On Thursday, David had rehearsal all night and I was really looking forward to spending all night with my chunky monkey, but the little punk fell asleep at 7:30 and I was on my own all night!  It surprised me how much I was looking forward to hanging out with someone who throws up on me, poops on me, and cries a lot.  But I was!  I was looking forward to all that plus all the smiles and coos and kisses!  Motherhood does change you.  People always say that having a baby changes your life and that it will never be the same, and it sounds so intimidating!  But it changes your life the way that getting your drivers license or moving out or getting married changes your life.  You have more responsibility, but it makes life so much better. 

I'm just so amazed at the change in myself.  I never thought of myself as the kind of person that just wants to be home with her kids and cook and sew and be all homemake-y, but I think I'm slowly turning that way (well, maybe not so much with the cooking....)  I'm not really scared about what's going to happen in the future now.  We're going to be poor (with an art and music degree, how could we not be?) but I don't mind.  We're poor now and still find lots of ways to enjoy life!  It's true that the Lord does bless you when you're doing things right.  I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant because I didn't think we had enough money to afford it or that I would have to quit my job and we wouldn't be able to afford rent, but things have worked out!  We can pay our bills (even the ones that I'm pretty sure my parents hide from us and pay themselves...), my work schedule and David's school schedule make it so we only need babysitters about once a week (thank you family for helping with that!!!)  Anyways, for the moment things are pretty good.  Tomorrow is Asher's blessing and so I'm sure there will be some more pictures from that to come!

This was a poster for our last symphony concert.  Lisa was one of the soloists and sounded amazing!  Good jerb!

Asher really likes bath time.  He has recently discovered that if he waves his arms and legs around, he can splash in the water!  He looks really concerned when he does it, but I think he likes it!

He has started to suck his hands/thumb a lot.  It's very cute!

 

This is usually how tummy time ends, with him falling asleep! 

This is probably my favorite picture of all time!

Dear Tracy

Yesterday was a special day for my sister-in-law, Tracy.  It would have been her daughters 11th birthday.  When David and I were just dating, he told me all about Karleigh and what an amazing little girl she was.  I could tell from the way that he talked about he how much he loved her and what a blessing she was to the Clay family while she was still alive.  I had thought a lot about how hard it must have been on Tracy before and how positive she is, even with such a difficult trial that was put in her way.  Now that I have a child of my own, I can't even imagine the heartache I would feel at losing him.  So this post is for Tracy and for how much I admire her.

Tracy, you are such an amazing mother.  I have thought that from the first time I met you!  I can see how much love there is in your family and how much you enjoy being with each other.  You welcomed me into the Clay family with open arms, and I really appreciate that.  I hope I can learn from you how to deal with trials and come out on the other side being a better person.  I hope I can learn from you how to turn sadness into something positive.  I hope I can build my family as strong as yours is!

A few months ago, Amy sent us a picture that she had found.  I really love the picture.  I think it shows how much David loves Karleigh and what a bright spot she was in his life.  Happy birthday Karleigh!

Oh so tired, but loving it!

Things haven't been incredibly fun around here the last little while.  Asher took after his mother in more than just a full head of hair, he has colic.  I like telling older women this more than girls my age.  Older women know what it's like and are a lot more sympathetic!  When I tell girls my age, they nod and say it sounds rough and then tell me that they're glad we're doing well.  They haven't gone through the hours of crying (from you and your baby....) and the sleepless nights, so they don't really understand.  I know I don't have it as bad as some people though, and for that I'm grateful! 

 

It's really hard watching Asher cry so much because I know he's hurting and there's not a whole lot I can do about it.  He gets lots of gas bubbles, so much so that you can hear and feel them while you're holding him, and it really hurts him.  We tried everything, from over the counter meds to reflux meds to essential oils to football holds to working the legs to cutting out every bad food imaginable from my diet.  None of it really works, so we're just waiting it out until his digestive system gets more mature.  On the plus side, the crying doesn't even really bother me anymore!  I've gotten used to it and that helps me stay more calm when he's crying.  I've noticed that helps more than anything.  Because when I can stay calm, I can think better about what I can do to help.

 

 

Some good things that have developed is Asher is smiling a lot more now!  It really does make everything better when he gives you big smiles after a long night of no sleep.  He's trying to figure out laughing, so I don't think it's too far away.  He also makes these cute sighing noises when he's trying to figure out if he's upset or in a good mood.  I know he wants to be in a bad mood, but it's so cute that I have to laugh at it! 

 

Another thing that's funny is his tongue is always sticking out.  He kind of licks at the air all the time.  We have a video of an ultrasound that shows him doing the same thing, so it must just be in his genes!  He also is starting to suck on his thumb a lot more.  I'm probably going to hate that habit when I have to break him of it, but it's very cute now!  He hasn't quite figured out how to keep his thumb out of his fist, though, so a lot of the time he just sucks on his fist.

 

We went to the doctor last week for his checkup and shots (it was horribly sad...) and found out that Asher is 75th percentile for height and 90th percentile for weight!  He's my chunky monkey!  I was laughing really hard when I saw that.  It was also my 6 week checkup and so the doctor took Asher out in the hall with him while I changed.  I could hear him talk to a nurse and ask her to hold him.  She said she would and asked how old Asher was.  The doctor told her 6 weeks and she was shocked.  She didn't believe him and said he looked like he was at least 3 months old.  Even when they came back in the room she still asked me how old he was because she thought the doctor was lying!  I was laughing pretty hard.  She said he was so big and alert that he looks so much older.

 

In other news, David started school this last week so we're having fun playing pass the baby in between his school and lessons and my work.  We also start the Idaho Falls symphony this week which is fun and scary since I haven't played much since the season ended last April.  But it should be fun!  Thank you to my mama who accepted the babysitting call!  And to Lisa and Joni for helping out with that as well!  Having a baby changes everything, but it's worth it.  I'm glad everyone was right about that!

 

Now for some pictures!

 

 

This is how Asher likes to sleep (top picture).  He doesn't start out that way.  He starts with his hands at his sides and then after he falls asleep he'll raise his arms to the Superman pose, taking the blanket and covering his head.  Well, yesterday he was taking a nap and when I went to check on him, all I found was this! (bottom picture)  Don't worry, I checked to make sure he was still breathing and ok first.  I know it's bad, but I think it's also kind of funny!

 

He's pretty cute...

Ledger and Asher are 10 months apart.  We get to have cousin time at least once a week when I babysit Ledger!  Ledger is quite the character.  I think they'll turn out to be buddies!

 

I love my chunky monkey!